Kids These Days
by Droll Notion
Summary: Kyle and Cartman get a little too comfortable around Gerald... One-shot, kinda cracky.


Author's Notes: A one-shot for my own sick amusement! I think I'm going to delete my other stories; I don't have the necessary attention span to write more than a single chapter... Xb In case you are out of the loop, the boys are older in this. I'm not a COMPLETE creep.

Matt Stone and Trey Parker (it sounds so weird when you switch their names XD) own South Park.

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><p>Gerald considered himself a reasonable man. He tried to be polite but firm when arguing his point. He applied this philosophy to his career, everyday socialization, and even for raising his kids. The thought of beating children as discipline was unthinkable to him.<p>

...But when Kyle came down the stairs, he began rethinking this method. Instead of his normally orange baggy coat, he had on a black leather jacket, and matching skirt. A SKIRT. It hung off his waist, low enough to reveal his hips and high enough to show his junk cradled in a thong, and the bottom of his ass. Garters attached to the thong held up a pair of fishnets, which were only visible down to his black-knee high combat boots. And to make it worse Kyle had on thick eye-makeup and blush. The only recognizable part of him was his curly red hair. His son looked like a whore.

"KYLE?" Gerald cried.

The red head smiled at his father innocently, "Hey dad! I'm going out for a while, Kay?" Gerald was about to reply when the doorbell rang. "Oh, that must be him!" Kyle exclaimed, rushing over to the door.

Outside stood the Cartman boy, who was usually not a particularly favored guest...but this was just ridiculous. His head was shaved on one side, and similarly to Kyle, he wore a black leather jacket. With it, he had on dark jeans, and black ankle-high boots. But most shocking of all was that the t-shirt under his jacket had a big, circled, jagged Schutzstaffel 'SS' on it.

Kyle threw his hands around the fat boy's neck. Cartman instantly responded, wrapping his arms around the Jewish boy to caress his back and give his ass a very noticeable squeeze. Their lips met for a messy open-mouthed kiss. When they pulled back, Kyle hung off of Cartman's side, both of them grinning at Gerald. "We're just gonna go down to this little get together my friend is having at an abandoned warehouse..." Eric informed, his voice sounding extra polite, "My buddy's parents grow marijuana, so I know that will be there. I imagine that there will probably also be cocaine..."

"Kenny said he was bringing heroine..." Kyle gently interrupted, running his fingers through Cartman's hair.

"...Oh yeah, that's right," Cartman said thoughtfully.

Neither of the boys seemed to notice that Gerald's eyes and mouth couldn't get any wider.

Cartman continued, his tone still cordial, "Than we'll probably find a nice crate or dumpster to go behind... Oh, I am going to ride your son SO hard..." Kyle moaned and started humping his side as he continued, "... His ass is going to bleed as he screams my name and his knees scrap against the dirty concrete floor. He won't be able to sit down for weeks after I'm done with him."

"Cartman, I want your cock inside me!" Kyle interjected.

"I know babe," Eric cooed before turning back to Kyle's father, "Anyway, thanks Mr. B, I'll take good care of him... Don't wait up!" and with that they disappeared outside. The sound of the front door slamming shut jolted Gerald out of his horrified daze.

He threw open the door to hear Cartman whisper, "By the way, I have, gonorrhea."

"That's fine," Kyle told him softly, "I trust the condom."

They erupted into laughter. "Ha! Condom..." Eric cried, swinging a leg over his pimped out motorcycle. Kyle got on the back, and hugged himself to the larger boy. They noticed Gerald starring at them, and gave him the same oblivious smiles he had received during this entire escapade.

"Bye dad!" Kyle waved to him just before the motorcycle revved and they zoomed away.

...Gerald woke up screaming. Sheila sitting up and looking around frantically, "What?"

Realizing that it he had just been asleep, Gerald took a deep breath to calm himself, "A bad dream. A really bad dream..."

His obese wife patted his shoulder, "It's just the stress from the long hours you've been putting in."

He nodded, "Your probably right..." he swung his feet off the side of the bed suddenly, standing up, "I'll be right back... I just have to check something..."

Gerald open Kyle's bedroom door quietly, peering inside to find him sleeping contently. He smiled warmly at the sight of his strait-A, law-abiding son.

On his way back to his bedroom he heard steps of someone coming up the stairs, and looked over. There was Ike, covered from head to toe in fresh blood. It obviously wasn't his own.

Before Ike could open his mouth, Gerald sighed loudly, "You know what? I'd rather not know. Go to bed."

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><p>More Author's Notes: If you don't leave a comment, I'll start a campaign supporting the murder of adorable puppies.<p> 


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